Sunshine after the rain

I'm not sure what's gotten into me. I'd like to blame it on the pregnancy, but I think if I really look at it, I've had enough going on to make my two melt downs in a week understandable. I know right now my sisters and Mom are probably like, "you're lame. I asked and you said you were fine.". Well, that's how I roll. I'll tell you things are crazy or I'm losing my mind, but I won't tear up infront of you. That's how I work. I bet Brian could count on 2 hands the number of times he's seen me cry, and half of them have been this pregnancy. Ok, not really, just 2. That way, when I do let them fall, he knows I'm for real! Last night was one of those nights. I don't know what all it was but I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to run away, at least for a few hours. I feel like such a lame Mom. I can't find fun things to do with all four kids so I try to do one at a time and then I have 3 others at my knees needing a drink, or food or changing the movie or whatever it is and then my times is yet divided again. I try to do fun things and then ended up getting made or frustrated with behavior or lack of appreciation and I know, they're so little, what do they know, but to me, they should! That is my problem, not theirs and obviously I know how little Mom's get appreciated. I now realize how little I'm sure my Mom felt she was appreciated, although, I do like to think we did a good job. Brian asked me why I was in such a foul mood all day yesterday and I'm sure he wished he hadn't 'cause I let it out. And then..... he went downstairs to watch tv. I have to laugh about it. I think he was like, "who are you and what have you done with my emotion-less wife. Maybe she'll be back after Matlock." Just kidding. He did try to make me feel better, but it just wasn't going to happen. He said, "Monday I'll watch the kids and you do whatever you want." My response... " I don't want to do anything. I just want to lay there and do absolutely nothing. I don't want someone bugging me to get this or that or have to get up to do this and that, I just want to do nothing!". Mind you, all this was done calmly even though it may not sound like it. I mean really. It's not like I have all these great things I want to do, I'm just tired and worn out and I still have just under 3 months left of this pregnancy. Yikes! I ended up going on a walk. I love summer nights and this year so far I haven't really had the chance to enjoy them. There's always dinner to clean up or laundry to do or another box to unpack or a wall to paint. BLAH! But last night, I went out for a lovely stroll and came back and just sat on my sidewalk. I had a neighbor drive by and ask me if I was locked out. "I wish I was", I said. I'm sure he thought, "shut up and drive off NOW!". But he made sure I knew we could call him if we needed anything. Another neighbor walked by and asked me if I was okay. Luckily she was across the road and couldn't see my puffy red eyes and I maintained a fairly stable voice to say I was fine. I'm sure it looked kind of funny to see me sitting out on my sidewalk just looking at the ground with no kids outside. Oh well. She told me my neighbor had passed away that day, so I figured it was time to suck it up because my situation could be a lot worse. To make it better, I made myself some cookies. Yep.... I eat my sorrows, and they were good.
 Today was a great day. The kids were fabulous in church and after. Brian made dinner and he let me nap when I dozed off on the couch. He even offered to skip his song practice tonight, which, if you know Brian, that's a big deal. Of course I said he could go and the night has been just fine. Oh the dramas right?! I've had so many thoughts go through my head today. The lesson in church was one for me. The lady started it out by saying, " I have a hypothetical situation. There's a mother of 4 who's pregnant with her fifth. Her oldest is 8....." and I was like, "are you for real?!!!". She was trying to see what advice everyone would have to this lady because she was overwhelmed. I felt like yelling out, "yes, what advice do you have because I'm certainly out of ideas." Of course, these sweet old ladies (like 80% of our ward is) were saying things like, " I'd tell her to enjoy the journey", or, "enjoy it while she can 'cause they grow up too fast" and I wanted to say, " that's not advice and it's certainly not going to help. She needs some serious hard core advice, not sugar sweet thoughts." But of course I didn't. I still felt like it was a good lesson though and my own thoughts were good to ponder. I know I'm not over my drama in my head, but at least I know I can still have a good day after one that seems all hope is lost!
 On a happier note, Caroline was so excited today because she finally lost her tooth. I even had to take her to a neighbors house, she didn't care which one, and show them too. She's been anxiously awaiting it's departure for the last 2 months or so, well, ever since it got wiggly.

Elizabeth then said she wanted to take one of the two of them to show all their lost teeth.

And I just thought this was a cute picture of Isabelle. I can't ever really get her smile. She has the cutest full on grin. I do have a few pics from her birthday which I still need to get up on here. Next post, but until then, there's this one. And yes, that is another gash on her face. Not quite sure how that one got there.

And this picture just makes me laugh. He said I could only take one picture, but this was like #6. Tonight when I put him to bed, he curled up right next to me, put his head in my lap and wrapped his arm around my waste. That's the part of being a Mom I love. I do have some sweet kiddos.